Sugar and Rainbows

So I promised the person that got me into this whole blogging thing that I would start writing again, and honestly I need to. It's been years since I've actually sat down and written something that I am completely intact with. So here we go. Mind you I'm simply going with it, no first draft, no outline. Just typing. but it's a start.

There's a whole in my heart in the shape of your smile... And it can never be filled.
You remember that time, when we would be driven to the movies by our parents?
Two completely innocent souls strapped in besides one another in the back seat of your mother's minivan?
You even sat in the middle so you could sit just that much closer to her.
Do you remember that?
How you two, innocent as day, are sitting alone in the dark?
And you're pinky is right here... and her pinky is right there.. and suddenly you sum up the courage to move your pinky ever so slightly? And the craziest thing happens... she doesn't move it.
And the space between the two fingers could hold lifetimes of passion and yearning.
And you're ten year old heart is as happy as it could ever be.
And that is the "homerun" you have been searching for all of your life.
The only thing you need to survive.
I dream for a time that didn't have so many sexual strings,
A time that didn't have an innuindo in every other sentence.
Where hearts desired other hearts.
A time where a homerun wasn't spent in the backseat of a car,
but where you're holding hands in the backseat of mama's car.
I miss those days.
Days where you spend all day dreaming of the one you want,
and not in that Skinimax sort of way.
In that way that just makes you feel plain.... Goofy.
Goofy like you just blush when someone mentions your name.
Goofy like I have a bazillion things to say and ask you when you're not around,
but face to face I just stare at my toe making circles on the ground,
cause... i'm all thumbs.
In all honesty, I just want to write you a note that simply inquires:
Do you like me?
Yes. []
No. []
Maybe. []
(Please check one)

Cute girl who I'm writing this to?
I don't want to get in your pants...
Or make out with you...
I want to make a fucking fort with you
With all the sheets and all the blankets and all the chairs.
Right here in this living room.
We'll gape in awe at our soft labyrinth laced in scents of fabric softner,
and pringles,
and hot chocolate with big fluffy marshmellows.
Because I know those are your favourite things.
We'll sit under it all day and watch movie after movie,
cartoon after cartoon, and just because I really want to impress you...
I'll bust out my Boy Meet's World collection.
That's right, I have all the episodes.
An we'll hold hands and sit in our Kingdom all day long...
And we'll both be happy.
And then, you'll go home.
And I'll call you on the phone, and we'll talk all day... and all night.
Not giving up except for dinner. and the bathroom.
And then I'll hear the subtle change n your breathing, and I'll whisper
"are you asleep?"
And you'll reply
"yes"
And then I'll listen to you, as you sleep, to make sure that nothing happens and if you have a bad dream, I'm right there for you...
I'm always right there for you.
Always.
Know that, and trust it.
Because no matter how close our pinkies do or don't get, I'm yours.
And we can build as many forts, and watch as many movies as you want.
So long as you're happy.
Above all else,
that is what I want.
Your happiness.


When did the transition take place from what we think now to what I've just listed take place?
I don't know about you...
But that sounds amazing to me..

god speed
matthew-chase