You know, here lately I've been having a lot of thoughts on death, and through connections, God. Now God is a topic I take very seriously. I have my beliefs, as I'm sure everyone out there does. But my beliefs stop at exactly that: they're beliefs. I don't have some in depth story on how the earth appeared, or anecdote after anecdote of how unrelentless his undying love is. All I have is a belief in that some day, when my time comes, I'm going somewhere else. Good or bad, I have no fucking clue, but I can't wait to find out.
Any who, with all this Jesus talk going around, I guess I came up with this.
No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. It is our decision to live it how we choose, and stand for what we will. I don't care what you believe or what he believes, but so help me God, if you try to shove it down my throat I'll throw back a million couplets at you, A fistfull of hate, coated in sin, is the last thing I need to remind me of him. My most recent faith struggle is not one of intellect. I don’t really do that anymore. Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don’t believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and there are some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it’s about who is smarter, and honestly I don’t care. It's pointless to argue over which will win, An immovable object or an unstoppable force. It is, as we smart people say, an impasse. And I've come to realize that is exactly what religion is. But I'm trying here, I'm even trying to imagine what it would be like to meet the God everyone talks of. Which his long, impressive beard, and his white robes, and long hippie hair, and his golden aura. What would it be like? And then I realize, I don't need to worry, I don't wonder anymore what I'll tell God when I go to heaven when we sit in the chairs under the tree, outside the city........I'll tell these things to God, and he'll laugh, I think and he'll remind me of the parts I forgot, the parts that were his favorite. We'll sit and remember my story together, and then he'll stand and put his arms around me and say, "well done," and that he liked my story. And my soul won't be thirsty anymore. Finally he'll turn and we'll walk toward the city, a city he will have spoken into existence a city built in a place where once there'd been nothing. And we shall stay... for all eternity.
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